Monday, February 9, 2015

Tiwaz The Warrior….Tyr, the Sky God of War……...

In consulting the runes I am consulting the inner self-aligned with the universal divine energy that is everything, everywhere.

Tiwaz           The Warrior….Tyr, the Sky God of War……...

Dream: The face of a wolf looking sideways toward something I cannot see, then another image of a full wolf pelt covering the body of a man looking sideways towards something but also a bit turned towards me.

Recently I have found that the work of being with the guidance of my dreams has felt beyond my grasp.  Additionally I have been unable to capture the memory of the dream, which has caused frustration. Yet aside from the dream memory I have struggled with why at this pivotal time my connection to the guidance of the dreams has waned.

Yes, it is true that we can go through times of doubt when in the process of transformation of some kind. And I am in the mist of major change with my recent move. I know that the elements of dysfunction that keep me from wholeness will do anything to stop the alchemy of transformation from occurring. Including leading me to believe that my dreams have nothing to offer anymore. And this is true to some extend in this circumstance. The closer I get to wholeness the more radical the shadow enlists my fear and doubt to take me down. To deny me what is rightfully mine the feeling/essence of life that is my soul.

And yet in this situation there is a missing piece because I have so much desire for the guidance of the dream and I do feel the shadow at work. So what is the deeper knowing here that has been distracted by my shadow? What is it that I must experience or be present to that will bring life back into the dream practice for me?

Casting the rune and mediating on the symbol’s meaning gave some light to the darken place that has fill my dream practice.

I spoke the words of intention above and put my hand into my bag of runes. The Sky God Tyr found it’s way to me. I sat with this rune, held it in my hand, moved it through my fingers. I explored my readings describing the aspects of this symbol and discovered it’s meaning for me at this moment in time. And it was so simple. I usually make my growing into wholeness a painful and difficult process, which it doesn’t always have to be.

This is the rune of the spiritual warrior, associated with the sun/the masculine energy in its active principle. In Norse myth the god Tyr embodies the principles of justice, dedication and honor to a cause higher then the individual self. This rune also relates to courage, discipline, tenacity and principled action.  Patience and perseverance is its virtue. Perseverance requires patience.

As a guiding beacon: This rune is described as the pole star, the axis around which everything revolves and a reliable light for navigators to use to find their way home. How do I find my way back to the dreams?

A Visual
The great god Tyr leans upon his sword; behind him, a slavering wolf is tether to a tree stump.

As I reflect on what this rune offers to me right now I am reminded of the wolf tethered to the tree and my own dream of the wolf and the man with a wolf cloak.

How am I like the wolf?  In my pagan tradition the wolf speaks of the wild spirit an aspect that I have longed to experience in myself but have kept hidden for some unknown reason. I have kept my wild-self tether since I was young adult believing that to be a responsible healthy citizen of this world I must be control and restraint in my mannerisms. I must play by the rules. The truth is that to be fully me I cannot play by the rules.

This rune symbol taps into allot for me, some of which does not initially speak directly to the dreamwork. I will speak to the runes broader context and insight and relate that back to the dreamwork near the end.

What is at the edge of my desire but I have not felt commitment and courage to step into it? The rawness of being in a new land, new career and new way of living my daily life is unsettling. This winter’s cold and darkness also contributes to the malaise that has affected every aspect of my frame of mind. I am finding it hard to be with the feelings of being unsettled and uncomfortable these days. And I am so tired of the snow.

Since I came to Vermont I have been edgy, depressed, agitated and ungrounded. I have felt on the edge of something or the border trying to decide whether to cross. My stomach churns with uneasiness while anxiety envelopes my whole being. I don’t like this feeling.

I have struggled being in this space, thinking the dreams will offer some guidance to get me out of this predicament, free me from this discomfort. And because they haven’t I have felt disillusioned thinking this Dreamwork was all a ruse.

And then when I go deeper I feel more and the wisdom that arises tells me that my soul calls out to be seen. I know what my soul desires to manifest. I know what gifts I have that spark delight in me when I scrap the surface and act on the offering. I didn’t need the Dreamwork to help me there. What I struggle with is the ability and motivation to embody and enact on these gifts.

I have wonder lately if the older you get the more embedded the shadow is and the harder it is to break dysfunctional patterns. The answer is probably yes. I say this because I know what I want, but I have continued to either make excuses why it can’t happen or find something else to do like watch TV or continually reorganize my apartment. It is a form of living on the edge of arrival I will talk about in another piece.

In spending time with the rune Tyr it became clear to me what was going on. First, I have developed an addiction to being distracted from my desires because I have been afraid of failure. I say addiction because there are times when I am not afraid and I just find myself reorganizing my bookshelf instead of designing my website. Of course there is also a lot of fear in this one because I know once the site is up who knows what will happen next.

Secondly the other insight is the way of the universe. I have a set of expectations about how my future would play out. An example was moving to Vt. and how I had to let go of getting a higher education job to get here. I am still feeling the regret in this decision but it filled the yearning I so deeply felt. Having a plan and working on it without expectations for the outcome is critical.  

And so in working with Tyr I am able to feel into all of this. I know now he is calling me to be the warrior in the truest sense, to embody my truth and desire fully. I need to take responsibility for my life. I can ask for guidance and support in breaking my addiction to distractions. And with a sword like quality cut away parts of the old story, aspects of self that do not serve me or interfere with my awakening.  I must be resolve in my dedication and perseverance to embody what my soul yearns to bring into the world.  And I must remember to be patience with this process. The point is that if I want a website, start writing it up now, even if I write a paragraph a night, have the courage to persevere in this endeavor.

I must also accept that even though I think I have a plan for how this will all work it is the universe/spirit/divine that has the say in the end. Having the courage to accept that the direction of my journey may change at any given time is critical. In some way saying this frees me up to go after what ever lies in front of me, not worrying about what the future will hold. Who really knows and I have no control over it and never have.

And yes the wolf in me, the wild self that is one aspect that I give as a gift to the world must not stay tether for he will die if not allowed to express his true essence, my true essence.

I have gain so much from this reading. When I bring it back to the Dreamwork I see where I have felt the loss in my practice. I have been distracted in the malaise and in my own isolation. For me to go deeper in the work I must cut through the isolation and fear. I must find ways to be in relationship with others in the Dreamwork. I feel such passion for the guidance of the dream and for me the more I am seep in the Dreamwork, the deeper I will descent into my own wholeness.